Lesson from Surah Luqman: A Good Conduct Toward Parents

 

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وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ ‎

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.  [31:14]

We have enjoined upon man kindness to his parents. That is, We have commanded him and given him instructions to that effect, and We will question him as to how he did that and whether he complied or not. We said to him: 

Be grateful to Me by worshipping Me, fulfilling My rights and not using My blessings to disobey Me and to your parents by showing kindness to them, speaking gently to them, behaving nicely with them, being humble towards them, honouring them, respecting them, taking care o f them, and avoiding mistreating them in any way, in word or deed. We gave him this advice and We told him that Unto Me is the return of all that is, you - O humankind - will all return to the One Who instructed you and enjoined these duties upon you, and He will ask you: did you fulfil them, so that He might reward you immensely? Or did you neglect them, so that He might punish you severely? 

Then Allah tells us the reason why parents are to be honoured, which has to do with the mother: In travail upon travail his mother bears him: that is, in hardship upon hardship; she continues to go through hardship, from the time when he is a sperm drop, faced with cravings, sickness, weakness, heaviness and changing moods, which is followed by the severe pain o f childbirth. 

Then his weaning takes place within two years and throughout these two years he enjoys the care o f his mother. Is it not appropriate that in the case of the one who bears all this hardship because of her child, yet loves him dearly, the child is emphatically enjoined and instructed to show the highest level o f kindness to that person.

Then Allah says:

وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.[31:15]

 But if they namely your parents endeavour to make you ascribe partners to Me o f which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them and do not think that this comes under the heading of kind treatment of them, because the rights of Allah take precedence over the rights of anyone else, because the prophet peace be upon Him said:«There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.» (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6830, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1840). Allah did not say “But if they endeavour to make you ascribe partners to Me of which you have no knowledge, then treat them badly or be defiant towards them.” Rather He said then do not obey them that is, by ascribing partners to Allah. As for honouring them and treating them kindly, one should persist in that. 

There is a story of Saad Ibn Waqqas (RA) and his mother to whom he was very attached. Saad was still a youth when he accepted Islam. In fact he was one amongst the early few to accept Islam, and this pleased him greatly. While the Prophet (SAWS) was delighted with Saad's acceptance of Islam, others, particularly his mother, were not.

When Saad's mother heard the news of of Saad's acceptanc of Islam, she flew into a rage. She came up to him and said: "O Saad! What religion have you embraced that has drawn you away from the religion of your father and mother? Either you forsake your new religion or I swear that I will neither eat nor drink until I die. Your heart will be broken with grief for me and remorse would consume you on account of your deed and people would condemn you forever."

"Don't do such a thing, my mother," said Saad, "for I will not give up Islam for anything!"

But she went ahead with her threat. For days and days, she would not eat or drink, and became emaciated and weak. Hour after hour, Saad would go to her and ask if he could bring her some food or something to drink. But she persistently refused, insisting that she would not stop until she died or until Saad abandoned his religion.

After many days of pleading and entreating her, Saad finally said, "O my mother! In spite of the love I bear for you, my love for Allah and His Messenger are indeed stronger. By Allah, if you had a thousand souls and one soul after another would depart, I would still not abandon this religion for anything."

When his mother saw Saad's determination, she unwillingly relented and ate and drank.

Hence Allah says: But keep company with them in this world kindly that is, keep them company in a kind way. As for following them, when they are in a state o f disbelief and disobedience, do not follow them. And follow the way of those who turn to Me namely those who believe in Allah, His angels, His Books and His Messengers, those who submit to their Lord and turn to Him. Then to Me you will all return both those who obey Allah and those who disobey Him, those who turn to Him and those who do not and I will inform you about what you used to do for nothing is hidden from Allah of their deeds.

Source: Tafsir Asa’di